CrankyThunder - 23-9-2012 at 05:12 PM
beginner with too big a kit, second outing
CrankyThunder - 23-9-2012 at 05:57 PM
Disclaimer..........The author verifies that over 50% of the following is true, and not that much exzaggeration either!
Well, was working the overtime shift this afternoon which the person referred to as "Boss Dude" is going to deny.........and it looked like it was
going to be a good day for kite flying! wooo hooo!!!!
Headed over to Meridian Park............DRAT!!!!! Completely infested with the isatiable herd of rug rat soccer players...........and worse yet, the
parking lot was filled with kamikazie soccer moms piloting their grand caravans pursueing their next victom! No way I am navagating that with
anything smaller then a abrams A-1!
Switch over to plan "B". continue south on meridian road, make a left and go over to Grand River park! WOOO hooooo! Empty! well, almost empty,
just a couple dog walkers and two donut eating cops on their donut break almost asleep in their cruizer.............
Start unpacking the kite.......oh oh......theres ralphie, the doberman/pit bull cross breed that has a insatiable urge to irrigate my size 9 1/2 steel
toed red wings... I can tell he is excited to see me since his fur is standing up on edge on his back in a pure display of shear joy! Not sure I
like that grin in the chainsaw where his mouth should be or that puddle of drool at his front paws...........
anyways........get kite ready to fly and wouldnt you know it.......them darn wind gods.............no wind.....DOA wind.......deader then a
doornail......So I am standing there in the middle of the field holding onto the kite lines with my old bicycle helmet and my old hockey elbow and
knee pads.......Aint nuffin like the smell of old hockey equipment that has been fermenting through the summer in the air tight gear bag.........and
so Ralphie and his owner decide that it would be a great time to re-introduce themselves.....
Reminding his owner of the last time I tried to "Fix" Ralphie when he figured my red wings needed additional hydration, I said that was plenty close
enough, thank you. The owner asked if I was going to try and fly my tarp again......... seeing how he almost busted a gut lauging at me flying
through the air with ralph chomping down on my red wings........and then it happened.......... A gust of wind which inflated the beemer and stood it
up on end rustling in the breeze. Which really had a effect on Ralphie! Ya see, in a dark corner of his neanderthol K9 mind, the rustling blue 5
meter kite must of remined him of a injured terricactle dynasour which to his pre historic doggie ancestors, was not a bad thing to lunch on!
So like a rocket, Ralphie takes off after the crippled terridactyle that my kite is imitating at the end of the lines. Raphies leash snaps with a
defening "TWANG", barely slowing down his trajectory towards my beemer. Unfortunatly, his left rear hoof grabs a break line, and ralphie tumbles on
his way to the kite. Now, as he is stubling with the line around his hoof, the kite responds by unfurling its complete 18 foot wingspan, and for all
intents and purposes, this small crippled baby terridactyl to ralphie has transformed into a big giant monster dynasaur circling round to pick ralphie
up and carry off to the family for dinner! This causes ralphie to panic and roll in more and more kite line, causeing the monster terridaytle to
grow in size as it circled closer and closer causing ralphie to panic, a never ending circle.
Now, having prepared myself by reading everything I could on this forum, and reviewing coastal wind sports website for every tip I could
glean......one recommendation was to have a good sharp cutting tool should be on your person incase of any emergencies. Now, I can fully appreciate
having a good cutting tool with all these high strenght aerospace quality kite lines slicing through the air so I figured that I needed a high quality
cutting tool for my own safety. Upon consideration, I realized that my first choice, a Stihl 029 18 inch FARM BOSS chain saw was a little bit
combersome to strap to my hip, I settled on my second choice, a razor sharp machete, 18 inches of super sharp cold rolled 5150 high carbon steel
manufactured by the ontario knife company of ontario california.
So, with ralphie hopelessly entangled with all four lines of my beemer, I pulled out the machete, I calmly informed his owner that I would need to
dispatch ralphie or order to get my kite untangled without any damage.
Rather then trying to give me a hand dispatching and unentangling ralphie, his owner felt that he could detangle ralphie by jumping on my back and
embedding his molars about 3/4 inch into my skull. Naturally, I lost all interest in my kite and strained to unembed the owners dental work from my
scalp.
At this point in time, I noticed that both donut eating cops had exited their cruiser and were pointing their Glock Model 19 semi automatic handguns
in the direction of Ralphie owner. Needless to say, I was very concerned since Ralphies owner was on my back and ruining my recent haircut. And both
of those things hold over 19 rounds of 9 mm parabellum ammunition and once they start shooting, they keep pulling the trigger till they run out of
ammo so needless to say, I was somewhat concerned! The cop on the right yelled "FREEZE M******F*****'rs" while the other cop, whistled through donut
sugared lips a sharp short whisle, which made ralphie freeze as well. He musta been a K9 cop because his next wistle caused ralphie to calmly stand
up, shake his fir, and made the kite lines fall to the ground. I mean one moment, he is hog tied and then a second later, competely unentangled!
Just like that goddess in my dream disrobes before heading into the hot tub! THAT SMOOTH!
Well, they let me call wifey from the jail cell and I appreciate the way she let me cool off in the station for four hours before she came to post
bail. It let me get the kite lines detangled! Oh yeah, and on our way home from the cop place..........we had our regularly scheduled argument
after all!
God I hope I have as much fun next time!
Regards,
Cranky
shehatesmyhobbies - 23-9-2012 at 06:16 PM
As complex a story this is,(almost entertaining) I certainly hope it is a good fish tale. I really hope that flying a kite did not land you in jail
for four hours! Especially after having a dog get tangled with your kite and the owner attack you ( at least that is what I got from the story). I
hope you do have a good day with the kite soon!
WELDNGOD - 23-9-2012 at 06:55 PM
You might just be a candidate for the "Outlaw Kiter Club"
silvereaglekiter - 23-9-2012 at 07:48 PM
Candidate heck he could be up for Outlaw Kiter of the year. :o
rtz - 23-9-2012 at 07:59 PM
Bail? What was the charge?
van - 23-9-2012 at 09:13 PM
I couldn't stop laughing when I was imagining the molars in the skull part. I'm totally confused now. Why did the owner attack you?? 
pyro22487 - 24-9-2012 at 06:29 AM
Same a little confused as to why he attacked you. Twice this dog has caused you grief.
P.S.
I think he needs a gopro so we can see these awesome encounters.
lives2fly - 24-9-2012 at 06:44 AM
Funny story which was hopefully exagerated! Theres a serious point about these things though.
I'm not sure kiting with a machete strapped to your leg and threatening to kill peoples pets really presents kiting and kiters in a very good way...
I've been as much a victim of people with poorly trained animals (and children) as anyone else using public spaces to kite but you have to remember at
all times that the public and the authorities don't give a damn about kites or kiters.
All it takes is a couple of complaints from irate pet owners and kiting gets banned. Its happening quite a lot in France at the moment. Its easier to
just close beaches to kiters than to try to manage them amongst other beach users.
erratic winds - 24-9-2012 at 08:22 AM
These are really fun stories, you should ?continue? to write fiction! (it's my opinion that these stories are maaaaaybe 2% truth, but that doesn't
mean I don't love reading them!)
I really appreciate the compliments!
CrankyThunder - 24-9-2012 at 03:25 PM
First off, let me say that if I got a couple of you to chuckle, I have gotten sucess with posting them here!
Secondly, while greatly exaggerated, these experiences are born with a actual happening, the first one ralphie trying to urinate on my leg while I was
waiting for the wind to pick up again, and the second one, the kite eating ralphie attacking my kite and getting tangled up when it caught a puff of
wind and the donut eating cops laughing so hard that powdered sugar came out their noses.
Let me assure you that I am one of the most courtious and polite beach and park user out there, frequently letting novices use my small kite with lots
of encouragement. I am really enjoying my new found hobby and dispite my best intentions, have had a couple of unique experiences that quite frankly,
make me take a step back and laugh myself silly.
Even though wifey makes me take the red wings off in the garage, and it took almost an hour to get ralphie untangled, I still look forward to my next
kite outing, building on my experience.
For what its worth, ralphie's owner, Bob, and I have become friends, since both of us were laughing as we were working together to untangle ralphie
without hurting him. Bob appologized profusly and ralphie came out pretty much unscathed except for his dignity. I am confidant that Bob will
continue to offer suggestions and encouragements as he continues to observe my trials and tribulations.
REgards,
Cranky
erratic winds - 24-9-2012 at 05:14 PM
Juuuust real glad to hear you didn't ride in the back of a car wearing new jewelry on your wrists!
alasdair macleod - 14-11-2012 at 09:40 AM
Great read made laugh cheers :singing::P:D