Hmmmm.......

I got a good one .......

ODE TO OLE JONESEY
"there once was a kite-sellin fella
that thought he was a smart feller.
He sold useless kites, and
screwed- up kitetrikes.
And he turned out to be a fart smeller. "

No, but I do think it's funny that you reply to every thread with one or two words and a smiley! Is there a prize for getting the most posts in a day or what? :dunno: I'm just playin, have a good week man.

I am on gaurd duty....

I spent $5000 on a boob job for the wife.
She was delighted.
I spent another $2000 on a nose job for her.
She was ecstatic.
I spent $2000 on liposuction for her
and she was over the moon.
I spent $50 on a blow job for myself
and she goes bloody mental.

Women!

"Trade-offs" by Anonymous

"...After being married for 40 years, I took one careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 40 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21 year-old gal."

"Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 61 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 21 year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your midlife crisis...."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it? 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' The third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.

A conversation between an older married couple:

Wife- "Would you get married again if i died before you?"

Hubby- "Well, I imagine I would want to be around someone, so, yeah, probably"

Wife- "Would you let her have all of my clothes?"

Hubby- "Well, I suppose if she neede them, I wouldnt want to throw perfectly good clothes out, so yeah, sure"

Wife- "Would you let her sleep in my bed?"

Hubby-" Well, she would have to sleep somewhere, and I wouldnt want to have to buy another bed, so, yeah, sure I would"

Wife was getting frustrated thinking of all the things hubby would let new wife have of hers when she asked... " Well, geez, I guess you would give her my golf clubs, too?"

Hubby- "Nah"

Wife-" I dont get it, the new one would have my clothes, sleep in my bed and wear my clothes, but you wouldnt let her play with my golf clubs??"

Hubby-" Nah.... Shes left handed"

Good Blonde joke, Please don't take anything personally!

So a Blonde goes into Sears, walks up to the salesman and says
"sir I would really like to buy that t.v."
The salesman says
"sorry mam, I can not sell you that t.v."
The Blonde gets mad and storms out!
The next day the Blonde goes back to Sears and sees the same salesman and again says
"sir I would really like to buy that t.v."
Again the salesman says
"sorry mam, I cannot sell you that t.v."
The Blonde goes stomping out of the store again.
The very next day, the Blonde goes back to Sears and is very determined to get what she wants.
She goes in and sees the same sales man again and says
"sir I demand that you sell me that t.v.!"
Again the sales man says
"sorry mam, I just can not sell you this t.v."
The Blonde gets really upset and says to the sales man
"I have been in here three times to buy this t.v. and you just won't sell it to me. What seems to be your issue?"
The sales man says,
"Well mam, I can not sell you this t.v., because......... It's a microwave!