Power Kite Forum - Beginner with too big a kite, third excursion!

authors disclaimer-no animals (either 2 or 4 legged) were harmed in the production of this episode. For those readers that have forwarded their encouragement and appreciation to me, I thank you very very much! To those who are still trying to figure these out, please sit back and enjoy and maybe I can get a smile on your face. and to those couple of respondents who think I am the most dangerous individual to walk the face of the earth since Cain took care of Abel, well, I just want to wish you the bestest and there are people who can help!

Well, the local weatherman, Andy Provozono is still bumbling on channel 10 news, and when he predicted gusts of 35 MPH, I knew I had to get ready since he has blown every forcast for the past week. So I was not surprised when at the end of work we had a steady 12 MPH wind going, perfect for getting my kite out! After the regularly scheduled argument with the wifey, headed down to the kite fields and was pleasantly surprised to find them completely deserted of the soccer playing rugrats and their more dangerous companions, the soccer moms and the smash em up derby they play with their dodge caravans in the parking lot!

So I pull into the lot and since this is my third time out, I have things somewhat prepared! Kitebag with kite, stakes, waterbottles, helmet, gloves.........yeah, I pretend I know what I am doing as I grab my bag and calmly walk out to the middle of the kite field. No more back and forth to the car getting something I forgot....Confidance simply ooozes out my pores.

Upon hearing my door slam, my arch nemisis, Ralphie, the kite eating dog, has drug his owner bob to the picnic table. Bob, who is settling in for this afternoons entertainment has strapped Ralphie to the picnic table using 5/16" steel cable. He musta called emergency services in anticipation, cause my old buddies, the two donut eating cops pull in the parking lot, with their powdered sugar highlighted mustaches, and join Ralphie and Bob on the picnic bench.

With my usual audience, I get the kite airborn. and unlike previous attempts, my experience is showing as i make gracefull swoops and figure eights in the pure wind we are enjoying on this picture perfect day. The donut eaters and bob are mesmerized as the HQ Beemer dances across the sky, pirrouetting with delicate arcs and curves. The whole mood turns perfect when Bob turns on his Ghetto Blastera and plays some delicate piano music for our enjoyement as we all are mesmerized by the sights, sounds, and experiences of a beatiful sunset at the park.

The whole atmosphere is so perfect that as I am flying the kite back and forth across the window, a couple birds come by and perch in the tree over by the picnic bench. Everytime I fly close to that tree, you can hear them chirp their encouragement as the birds watch the kite fly, maybe envious, maybe offering encouragment, I am not sure. their chirping attract a couple more birds, which increases the volume which attracts the attention of a couple more birds come to check it out. Before long, the branches of this small tree are completely filled with these birds, blue jays, cardinals, sparrows, starlings, and a stray wood pecker as well. And now, when I fly the kite over there, instead of a couple chirps of appreciation, there is a complete roar of howls, gackles, and squaks, I am not sure that the birds appreciate a kite flying so close to the tree as the did when I first started.

Unbeknownst to me, all these birds have attracted the attention of a rather large tomcat, who upon hearing the racket every time my kite comes close, has snuck up close to the tree and is eyeballing all them feathered lunches just a short hop away directly above him and completely oblivious to him.

While the tomcat may have avoided detection by me, the birds, Bob, and the donut eaters, Ralphie, the kite eating dog has eyeballed the tomcat, his sight a lazer attracted to the twitching tail that no cat can control when it is stalking his next lunch. So Ralphie, the Kite Eating Dog, makes a quick calculation of the strength capacity of 5/16" steel cable against a industrial capacity picnic table with his owner, Bob, and two well fed donut eating cops sitting on it, and after studying the flight characteristics of my kite, makes his move and takes off like a rocket in the direction of the tomcat, timing his lunge perfectly.

Well, upon having the picnic table jerked out from under them, Bob and the donut eaters suddenly found themselves sitting on the ground wondering what the heck just happened. The Tomcat, upon realizing that a self propelled four legged chainsaw named Ralphie was bearing down on him at about 80 MPH and dragging a picnic table along behind him, did what any sensible tomcat would do when pursued by a self propelled four legged chainsaw, climbed the nearest tree he could find.

Now, the birds, upon finding a very large tomcat suddenly in the tree that they had all taken refuge, did what any bird would do upon finding himself in close proximity to a Cat, namely, fly to the nearest hiding place they could find. So... All 2,546 cardinals, blue jays, Starlings, and the woodpecker flew to the nearest hiding place they could find which happend to be my 5 meter HQ beemer which as ralphie had timed it, was in close proximity to the tree they were sitting in.

I was going to try and describe what a 5 meter HQ beemer kite looks like with 2,546 anxious cardinals, blue jays, starlings, and the woodpecker but if I told you it looked like a big monster kite with 2,546 anxious birds in it I think you get the idea. Whereas before, it had gracefull lines and sensous curves, it now was expanding and contracting and any shape it may have had to a kite was quite temporary in nature. Surprisingly, maybe because of the 5,092 wings that were inside it, it was still flying and actually flying pretty good!

Naturally, my first instint was to get the kite to the ground but the kite seamed to have a mind of its own. It still wanted to fly! I struggled to get the kite to the edge of the window and then the strangest thing happened.... a significant number of birds exited out of the kite and grabbed onto the bridle lines! actually fighting against my efforts to land the kite! So I shrug my shoulders, and what the hey! they wanna fly in the kite who am I to say they cannot! so with a small yank, I get the kite to the power zone and all the birds quickly fly into the port holes of the kite. As the kite gathers speed, I can see their little beaks sticking out of the leading edge portholes, and I can hear their little voices go "WEEEEEEEE......WEEEEEEEEEEEE.....WEEEEEEEEEEE" as I guide the kite through twists and turns, the birds completely enjoying the ride as if they are on a roller coaster at cedar Point!

At the spot previously occupied by the picnic table, Bob and the donut eaters have picked them selves up, dusted off, and are staring at the kite in amazement, they never have seen birds act togehter as a group, let alone go WEEEEEEE WEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEE in enjoyment with their little beaks peaking out the intake vents.

Meanwhile, back at the tree, the tomcat is anxiously evaluating the progress Ralphie the self propelled chainsaw is makeing on the trunk of the tree, and realizes he has a problem. Being proactive, he reconizes his only vehicle of escape and when the kite comes back close to the tree, makes his jump and, just like spiderman, manages to catch the back of the kite and ride the back of it as it is traversing from horizon to horizon. The birds, Upon discovering that the tomcat is riding the kite and in a position of vulnerability, has exited the kite and now takeing turns swooping down and pecking the tomcat, some of them snatching little tufts of fur which they proudly display as a trophy to the other birds. Ralphie, the kite eating dog, is dragging the picnic table under the kite, waiting for his opportunity.

Finally, one of the birds gets a good shot and the tomcat falls to the ground. This caused a chain reaction that while I witnessed it with my own two eyeballs, I am not sure I believe it at all. From the best of my Recoolection, this is what happened when the birds finally released the kite from its paracitical tomcat. The tomcat, not having wings, made a gracefull decent to the earth. Being a tomcat, of course he landed on his feet. Upon attaining terra firma, he quickly realized that he was being pursued by a self propelled four legged chainsaw dragging a picnic table, and thus, made a beeline for the closest protection he could find which happened to be a 2011 crown victoria intercepter police special that the donut eaters had convieniently located in the parking lot just for the savious of the tomcat. Ralphie, the kite eating dog, followed the tomcat under the cop car and both of them shot out the other side at about 80 MPH. Unfortunatly, Ralphie had forgotten that he was chained to a industrial quality picnic table which, when it finally impacted the cop car, had a quick deceleration effect on ralphie. I think his eyeballs went out over two feet before they snapped back into their eye socketts! The result of the picnic table/cop car interface... well lets just say there were airbags, warning sirens, and emergency lights extraordinaire!

all the birds had quickly reformulated up in the tree and you could hear them laughing and congratulating each other at the expense of the donut eating cops!

Moi? Well, lets just say i packed up my kite quickly and got the heck out of there!

god I hope I have as much fun next time!!!!

Regards,
Cranky