Would it still be funny if I retyped all that? I hope not because I'm not doing it!!

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst Beer is fine.

I thought you didn't like beer???

Mark did your wife slap you for giving her that message once? :D:puzzled:

Quote:

Originally posted by rocfighter Mark did your wife slap you for giving her that message once? :D:puzzled:

Zackly...

A man sees an attractive woman and he approaches her. He says "I will give you $100 to have sex with me." The woman declines his offer and begins to walk away. The man replies "I will throw the money on the ground and I will be done by the time you pick it up." The woman is unsure what to do so she calls her boyfriend. The boyfriend tells her that the man has to pay atleast $200 and to call her back when it is over. The man gladly agrees. After 45 minutes with out a call the boyfriend thinks he has lost his girlfriend to the man. After an hour His girlfriend finally calls. He asks what took so long and the girlfriend replies "That bastard used coins!"

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ug ly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck !! " :shocked2:

Got any bread?

This is a real store that I pass when I visit the Nahant gang... :wee:

Well, "A hole drilled in a liquid-tight barrel to remove the contents Liqors" just doesn't have the same ring!

Quote:

Originally posted by erratic winds Well, "A hole drilled in a liquid-tight barrel to remove the contents Liqors" just doesn't have the same ring!

Ahhh, an educated man amongst us... ;-)

However, I believe that is NOT the 'bunghole' most think of when they drive by this place... :o

My mom sent me this one, NEVER TRUST AN OLD LADY...

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

After 35 years of work in postal services, a postman is preparing for retirement and he works his last day as a postman.


One family gives him a pen as a gift, another one gives him a key-chain, and when he rings at the third door, a glamorous blonde appears at the door, holds his hand and takes him to the bedroom where they spend two hours having the most amazing sex. After the shower she prepares breakfast: eggs with ham and orange juice then she gives him a $5 bill.

During the meal, he was delirious and asked: "Can you explain all of this to me...?!?"

The Blonde says: "Yesterday, I told my husband that our postman is going to be retired and we need to make something special for him, and he replied:

"Screw him! Give him 5 dollars!"

"The breakfast was my idea!!" :ticking::wee:

:eekdrull::Ange09::wow::bouncy::roll::P:wink2: I think that is an appropriate response!!!!