Neighbors who love each-other.

BumP... Let's hear some new ones....

Did you ever hear about the agnostic dislexic insomniac?...

He stayed up all night wondering if there was really a Dog.

one more...

So a man has some issues at work and decides to visit a therapist to discuss his problems. the therapist asks him what the problem is "Well, I work in the pickle factory, and I have this urge to stick my wiener in the pickle slicer." The therapist responds "Oh my, that seems troubling, perhaps I can help." ...They continue therapy for several weeks until the man shows up for a therapy session with a disturbed look on his face. The therapist confronts him and he says "well, I did it... I stuck my wiener in the pickle slicer... " The therapist responds "Well what happened?" The man says "I was fired!" The therapist asks "And what about the pickle slicer?" the man says "Oh... she was fired too."

ok another...

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?...
Slap her

Tim Tebow, the most interest in a white Bronco since OJ Simpson :tumble::P

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever
sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of
their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married,
had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that #@%$#!."


Ba-da-bum

Hospital surgery......
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks,
"What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep,and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and
ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then a"What are you here for?"
The first kid says,
"A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Oldie but goodie (enhanced with 1950's stereotypes!):

A blustery Texas tycoon is touring Asia and stops by a peasant tending his tiny rice paddy.
"I say, uh, boy...is this here all yo propertee?"

The peasant replies "Yes, this is my land, it's not much, but it's all mine"

"Well ah, boy, lemme tell yah. Back home in Texas my ranch has land as far as the eye can see. I got so much propertee that you can git in mah car at the crack o' dawn and start drivin' along mah estate. You'd keep a-drivin' an' a-drivin' all day. You'd keep 'a-driving 'til the sun sets, an' you STILL wouldn't reach the other end of all mah propertee!"

"Hmmm," the peasant says, rubbing his chin, "I know just what you mean. I used to have a car like that too!"